Why Isn’t Congress Investigating Gaylord Perry?

They’re all hot and bothered that Roger Clemens (and several others) might have cheated, so why not spend our tax dollars investigating every player who ever cheated? Perry’s in the Hall of Fame even though he was always accused of tampering with the ball. No committee has ever asked Albert Bell or Sammy Sosa about corking baseball bats. The only person who bothered with George Brett’s pine tar was Billy Martin.

Seriously, why do all these attempts to break the rules not merit congressional investigation?

Ohhh, its because Clemens (allegedly) cheated by using steroids.

I suppose that ought to clear it all up, but all I can say is “And?” Look, I’m not arguing about whether or not Major League Baseball ought to ban steroids, or how seriously they ought to enforce the ban, I’m asking why in the world the United States Freakin’ Congress is spending our resources investigating people who cheated at a game. Mindlessly responding “steroids” does not cut it for me; it is not self evident that someone using a drug to alter their body in violation of the rules of Major League Baseball somehow impacts the entire nation to such a degree that Congress has to step into the situation.

In other words, what makes using steroids to cheat sooooo much worse than corking a bat or spitting on a baseball? Both of them equally undermine the integrity of the game. Arguably, steroids might injure the user, but no one who values liberty ought to think Congress has any business protecting people from themselves. I don’t care one bit if Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds want to trade life span and health for All Star appearances. It’s their health, let them decide how to use it. So, given that the external damage is the same – undermining the rules of MLB – why no investigation of spit-ballers?

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