Miles traveled to Florida and back: 1,800.
Dollars spent in gas: The van gets 25 mpg, gas was about 3.25, you do the math. I’m trying not to think about it.
Hours the trip took each way, including all stops: 12.
Number of stops each way: 3 (two meals, one fuel).
Miles reached on odometer somewhere over the Achafalaya River Basin: 100,000.
New windshields now needed after an unidentified object bounced out of nowhere and nearly smashed through the current one: 1.
Traffic jams: 3, all on the way to the Sunshine State.
Number of times the dog barked, whined, or made any noise whatsoever while in the van: 0.
Number of times the dog barked, whined and made noises after we arrived and she was put in our friend’s yard with Ernie, a very high energy German Short Hair Pointer: About a million.
Amount of time I spent paying attention to the Easter Mass rather than trying to keep my kids – who we could not put in the nursery because they had only one worker for about thirty kids (who could have imagined church would be crowded on Easter?) – quiet: 10 seconds.
Easter eggs found by the kids at the Easter Egg Hunt: 0.
Number given to them by their buddy Eva: 4 or 5.
Ratio of Arkansas to North Carolina fans watching last Sunday’s second round NCAA tournament game between the two schools: 4-1.
Happy fans and sad fans, respectively, after the game: 1, 4.
Amount of stairs Naomi climbed surreptitiously while six adults watched both the game and the other four sub-three year olds in the house: 15.
Low temperature on our first night at the beach: 35 degrees.
Number of times anyone went in the water: 0.
Fistfulls of sand Naomi attempted to eat: 4.
Bike rides at the beach: Only 1.
Average miles per hour on the way out during our out-and-back ride: 15.
MPH on the way back, with a tailwind: 22.
Sustained MPH while drafting behind a Lexus SUV: 32.
Time it took me to go from “Sweet, I’m drafting behind this car at thirty plus miles an hour” to “Holy crap, I’m in my thirties and am responsible for a wife and two kids and I’m drafting behind this car at thirty plus miles an hour” and back off from the car: 30 seconds.
Number of empty cases of Natural Light I observed some of the younger guests at our condos throw out before leaving: 6.
Number of wine bottles we threw out: 10-12.
Amount of hours the kids were awake during our first 24 hours home after the trip: 7.
Hours Mom and Dad slept the first night back: 10.
After getting home, unpacking, and putting the kids in bed and prior to enjoying that glorious ten hours of sleep, glasses of bourbon I drank on the front porch while enjoying my house and my neighborhood: 1.