My Wild And Crazy Bachelor Weekend

The wife and kids are in Dallas visiting a friend of hers for the weekend. They left Friday about noon and won’t be home until today – Sunday – around dinner time. Party time for me, right? Well . . .

Normally, I’m one of the first teachers to leave campus. Friday, though, far from being in a hurry to get home and begin partying, I actually stayed late at school to get some extra work done. My principal was visibly stunned to see me there almost an hour after the bell rang. When I explained that my family was out of town, she told me to behave myself. I then assured her an exciting night for me was staying up to 10:30 to watch John Stewart. That’s pretty much what I did, getting home and reading a book for a few hours, then cooking a frozen pizza, opening a bottle of wine, and watching From Dusk Till Dawn (perhaps one of the most awesome movies I have ever seen.). I was in bed by 11:00.

Saturday was the real excitement: All day at my grandmother’s working with a few of my fellow grandchildren tearing out and reinstalling her bathroom. Actually, it was mostly tearing out.

The goal was just to replace the tub with a full sized stall, and the toilet with a taller model, both of which would be easier for our grandmother to use. The house is about a hundred years old. It began life where I-20 now runs. When the interstate came through, the house was moved to it’s present location in Keithville. In addition to those moves, there’ve been several medium sized remodels and changes. Not surprisingly, then, we found lots of interesting stuff when we began demolition. That interesting stuff led to more demolition. So by about mid-afternoon, the bathroom door opened to an empty hole; no more tub, no more toilet, no more floors, hardly even any floor joists. Just the dirt under the house.

Still, it was entertaining. Most of the previous work had been done by my late step-father, who was a carpenter, not a plumber, and we had some good natured laughs at the southern ingenuity he’d used in a few places. The biggest laugh was at all the foam insulation under the tub. We couldn’t figure out why it was there, and there was a ton of it. Then someone remembered: A snake had once crawled into the tub from under the house. My grandmother discovered it when she was about to take a shower. She thought it was a rubber snake one of the kids had put there as a joke. Then it moved when she tried to grab it. That led to some yelling, which led to a life and death battle between my step father, armed with a shovel, and the poor snake. It wasn’t pretty for that snake. Anyway, to prevent anything like that from happening again, he unloaded a few cans of that spray insulation stuff under the tub.

Of course, we also laughed when my cousin’s five year old came in and asked what we did to the bathroom. I told him we were trying to fix the stuff our parents messed up, the same way he’d one day be trying to fix the stuff we were messing up.

By the end of the day, we had the floor back in, the base of the shower installed, and the toilet mounted. I made it home about 8:00, reheated some leftover frozen pizza, opened up a bottle of bourbon, and watched Office Space for about the hundredth time. It’s still funny.

Now today. I’ll hit the trails on the mountain bike this morning, then maybe take a nap this afternoon. I doubt I’ll go help with the bathroom again, as the job is close enough to done that I’d probably just be in the way. I could do some work for school. Might even do the dishes. Whatever I do, though, I’ll be looking forward to my family getting home.

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One Comment on “My Wild And Crazy Bachelor Weekend”

  1. Mom Says:

    You made my day wheeler with those memories, as I am sure you made your grandmother’s day with all your help. Thank you. I don’t tell you often enough how proud of you I am.


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