I’m Not A Bad Husband!

Just a typical male:

What sound is most likely to wake a sleeping woman? An infant’s wail — and that is true whether or not she has children of her own.

What sound is most likely to wake a sleeping man? A car alarm going off, followed by the howling of the wind (not a baby) and the buzzing of a fly. A crying baby is not even on the list of the 10 most sleep-disturbing sounds for men.

Can’t tell you how many times the following conversation has occurred in my house:

Me: How’d you sleep last night?

Wife: Fine, until Mac started crying at two in the morning. I went to get him, but just as he calmed down, his sister woke up. So I ended up in guest room calming fussy babies until three thirty.

Me: Really? I never even knew you got out of bed.

Wife: (After ten or fifteen second pause during which I assume she’s weighing the pros and cons of homicide). No kidding. That’s because you could sleep through a nuclear holocaust.

Turns out, that probably isn’t true, but it’s also not my fault that I can’t hear the kids crying. I’m just a man, I can’t help it.

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3 Comments on “I’m Not A Bad Husband!”

  1. Hot Momma Says:

    Wheeler, you are correct in your assumption. And there’s not a jury in the world that would convict me – at least if there were a majority of moms on the panel.

  2. Herself Says:

    Wheeler – Bulls–t.

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