Here’s Another Post Written In Bitterness

When my folks divorced, it never felt like a big deal. Everyone told me it was, and that inside I really felt like it was, even if I hid it. Really, though, it never emotionally impacted me. Probably that’s because I have no real memories of us as a normal family. They separated before I even started grade school, I think. The divorce, then, simply formalized what to me was a normal situation.

Plenty of people I know have split up in the years since then. I joke with Jenny that one of the many signs of our middle age is that whereas we used to count how many friends had recently married, now we can count how many recently divorced. They’re sad situations, I hate it for the people involved. Still, none have really caused me to lose any sleep.

Until the most recent. This time it’s two of our closest friends. The kind of friends where you rarely go more than a day without talking, or more than a week without getting together. Our kids love both and always speak of the two as one. They were the kind of couple you could hold up as an example of a great marriage. They were fun, happy, successful. And admirable. But then one of them decided to toss all of that for a cheap piece of ass.

Now all those good times are done. The memories are poisoned. There won’t be any more. It almost feels like someone’s dead. Only in that case I wouldn’t be so pissed.

So what do I do?

How do I explain divorce to my three year olds? “Well, baby sometimes two people love each other and swear to God to protect and defend that love, but then one of them gets horny and goes chasing shallow, butt ugly, hot to trot serial cheaters.” O.K., probably not in those words.

However it happens, though, it makes me mad that I have to do it. One effect of my parents’ divorce is my own resolve to give my kids a loving two parent home. I’ve sworn since I was a child that if I ever married I’d never divorce. Having kids only made that resolve stronger. It just will never be an option. I’ll live in misery first. (Not that I am, or think I ever will, of course). Unfortunately, I can’t control other people’s another person’s behavior and now my kids are going to learn an early lesson about human selfishness and faithlessness. Too bad there isn’t a Thomas the Tank Engine story on point.

Another question: What of my relationship with the at-fault party? I’m a cyclist; I love Lance Armstrong the cyclist. When he went through that whole ridiculous thing with Cheryl Crow, though, I lost all respect for him as a person. In our situation, I used to greatly admire the at-fault party as a person. Now? We’re not talking professional sports, there’s no fall back; her character was what I admired. That’s gone. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve experienced this in the past with another person I greatly admired. It crushed me. That guy, though, started thinking with his brain again and returned to his family. We have almost the same relationship now as we did prior to his cheating. Not quite the same, but close. There’s no sign of reconciliation here. So I don’t know what to think or feel.

More questions: What about “sides?” Blood is thicker than water, right? Well, the one who caused this whole thing is the blood. The easy thing would be to ignore her actions while mumbling platitudes like “she’s family” or “I want to support her” or “we want you to do what’s best for you.” I don’t. I want to smack her. And God forbid if she ever brings her whore anywhere near me or my kids. On the other hand, she is family, and we’ve both been through a lot of shit.

So anyway, here I am in my mid thirties finally feeling what divorce is all about. It sucks.

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8 Comments on “Here’s Another Post Written In Bitterness”

  1. Texas Redhead Loser Says:

    I’m so sorry. I know it’s small consolation, but you’re less than two weeks from being able to drown the sorrows in some especially good beer. And this time it won’t be 3 months old.

  2. mom Says:

    “It sucks.” Yep, that about sums it up. I’m so sorry. One piece of advice though…decide to let the bitterness go. You can control that choice and it’s the best one for you and your family.

  3. KC Says:

    one of the biggest mistakes ever made was adopting “no fault divorce”….my parents divorced when I was youg, and it has affected each of us kids in different ways…one of my brothers has seious fidelity issues. making divorce easy doesn’t make it less painful, and no fault allows the party who broke the contract to get rewarded for doing so…..a unique position in our law…

    as to your family member….like water ypur relationship with her will eventually find its own (correct ) level.

  4. Suzy-Q Says:

    What kills me the most is, how can you walk around with your head held high knowing how many hearts your breaking??? Or does she not think about it, and pretend like we don’t exist, and that’s what helps her sleep at night?

  5. Wheeler Says:

    “how can you walk around with your head held high knowing how many hearts your breaking”

    you convince yourself that you’re the victim because no one understands how you feel, or how special and unique your new relationship is.

    which is bullshit, of course. every problem she has right now is her own damn fault, and far from anything special, her and her whore are a walking fucking cliche.

  6. mom Says:

    Instead of talking about her, why don’t you try talking (quietly & reasonably) with her. What could you loose? Except maybe your temper ~ which hopefully you wont 🙂

  7. wheeler Says:

    tried it. it failed.

  8. […] Pie crust, glorious pie crust Explaining divorce April 10, 2010 Jed posted about it here. His explanation was, as the title states, bitter. Recently, my babies have started asking more […]

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