Newspeak At The Dentist

Here’s the first paragraph of a letter we received from our kids’ dentist:

In order to improve the chances of your child having a positive experience in our office, we are selective in our use of words. We try to avoid words that scare the child and may be associated with other medical or dental experiences. Please support us by NOT USING negative words that are often used for dental care.

Uhmm, o.k. That sounds ridiculous. After all, whatever you name it, the motorized instrument that makes holes in your teeth will never be a positive experience. So why create false expectations? Just call things what they are.

But if you thought that paragraph was ridiculous, check out some examples of Dentistspeak:

1. Needle or shot – Sleepy Bubble
2. Drill – tooth whistle
3. Drill on tooth – clean out sugar bugs
4. Tooth cleaning – tickle teeth
5. Gas – magic air

The letter then closes by stating “We appreciate your cooperation in helping us build a good attitude toward dentistry for your child.” If, by that, they mean me telling my kids that going to the dentist sucks, but is necessary for their health, and will be done without any crying, whining, or fussing, then they’re welcome. If, though, they mean using idiotic terms like “sleepy bubble,” it ain’t gonna happen. My kids are not fools, and I will not treat them as such.

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